The Veil

I spent Friday night and Saturday in a spiritual retreat put on by Celebrating Life Ministries. Today I feel like there is a veil between me and the world. The masters speak of detachment and I have understood that idea in my head. And I believe this veil is my experience of being detached – in the world and not of it! The veil insulates me from the addictions of the world that can be addictions to both high and low places. Sometimes the spiritual path has been characterized as one of piercing the veils that stand between us and God. The unexpected thing that has happened as I pierced and went through a veil this weekend is the veil reconstituted behind me as a veil between me and the world. Never noticed that before.

This is apparently what I went to Phoenix to receive. And I didn’t know I was going for this. It is said that God gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want. Certainly true for me this weekend. Sometimes the gift even comes wrapped with the appearance of something we don’t want. And this was my experience.

I have been in a relationship with a woman and believe that this is a relationship that is meant to be. Friday night she informed me that she believes she is meant to be with someone else. Of course, my first reaction was why, and why now? The Friday night session at the retreat had been powerful and I was on that high! This information sent me crashing down! Also it turns out this was just what I needed for my process at the retreat.

I went to the retreat Saturday morning with a heavy heart! The teaching that day and the night before was about releasing the world and centering in God. It became clear to me that my attachment to this relationship was what I was being called to release. I had put this woman on a pedestal and she had become the altar at which I was worshipping. And I knew this (actually I had known it for some time), and it felt good and I liked it a lot. Please God, don’t make me give that up! Anything but that!

My time on the spiritual path has taught me that the hardest lessons are the most valuable. I knew not to run from this one and that I needed to engage it, and engage I did. I asked God for help to release this addiction to this relationship as I knew I could not do it myself. And today I have that release. I am okay with or without the relationship. It is a preference still and not a need. And I got a bonus! It would seem that I am okay with or without any worldly thing. I seem to be more detached from the world than I have ever known myself to be. Hallelujah!!!! I have a new addiction – the veil which is a manifestation of the grace of God. The veil of the love of God which insulates me from worldly attachment which is the source of my pain. Thank you God for this great and unexpected gift!